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Jokes for Sunday

A man woke up in the hospital after a harrowing operation.  Full of dread, he asked the nurse, “did things go okay?”
The nurse replied, “they were able to save your testicles.”
The man let out a huge sigh of relief.  Then the nurse handed him a plastic cup and said, “they’re in here if you’d like to see them.”

Chuck was out walking his 100 pound rottweiler when he decided to stop at the local tavern.  He tied his dog to a parking meter and headed inside.  Minutes later a woman ran into the bar screaming, “whose dog is outside?”
Chuck stood up and said, “mine.”
“You’d better get out there. My chihuahua is killing him!”, said the woman.
“You’re nuts, lady,” laughed Chuck. “how could a little Chihuahua kill my Rottweiler?”
The woman replied, “he’s stuck in his throat!”

FOCM at Global Clinical Supplies Conference

The month was April, the year 2016, the event: the #1 clinical research industry’s clinical supplies conference – Global Clinical Supply Group.  Several important events happened with photographic evidence to support it.

It was my honor to give a FOCM membership card to one of my favorite co-workers of all-time, Roxann Pinguelo.  Is she thrilled or what?

Roxann Pinguelo

FOCM also welcomed Ryan Jarvis to the organization and Russ Brierley and Renee Brown were on hand to witness these ceremonies.

Ryan Jarvis
Russ Brierley, Ryan Jarvis, Roxann Pinguelo, Renee Brown

Historic FOCM Card Ceremony

This FOCM card-membership ceremony was a very significant one for several reasons –

  1. It just happened on November 11, 2017 – making it very recent given my usual delay in posting such things
  2. It’s too important to delay until I catch up
  3. recipient and I probably first met when we were pre-schoolers and
  4. we spent our formative years in that oasis in the desert known as Yuma, AZ
  5. we slow danced to Stairway to Heaven or maybe it was Nights in White Satin in 8th grade
  6. wandered around Yuma on New Year’s Eve with a few friends and a few bottles of Boones Farm wine generously donated by our sisters when we were 13

At the recent Kofa High School reunion, this significant event (photo below) was captured.

Jody (Ambur) Nestell received her FOCM membership card.  Other than family members, I believe she is the youngest card-holder that I’ve known the longest.  Perhaps only Brady Leffler and Jody’s cousin, Ray Face, if they’re ready to accept the responsibilities of card holdership could surpass this.

Jody (Ambur) Nestell receives her card!

 

FOCM Members at Wilmington NC Event

Here’s an interesting item about FOCM that I just realized comes from my having grown up in a small town in Arizona – if there’s a party in town – join it! You may call it crashing it, but in Yuma, AZ, if there was a wedding reception in town, regardless if you were invited, you went to it.  So in that vein, when I organize Wilmington Pharma/Bio/CRO Networking Events in Wilmington, NC, it’s an open call for all FOCM members.  While in this case they do belong to the Pharma/Bio/CRO industry, they do also belong to FOCM.

Kris Klein, John Peterson, Wendy Revenaugh, Gayle Grandinetti and Steve Simpson

FOCM Sticker Seen Downtown

So there I was on March 26, 2016 a few blocks from downtown Wilmington when I spotted FOCM member Gayle Grandinetti’s car proudly sporting the FOCM window decal!  Any member is eligible to get one at the reduced member rate of $5.00.  I’d like to say they make a great Christmas gift, but that’s a bit of a stretch.

FOCM Window Decal

More Funny Things I Have Seen

More humor seen in Reader’s Digest:

The chihuahua at my vet’s office was quiet right up until a huge Rottweiler came in.  Suddenly, the six-pounder became Cujo -barking and growling.  It’s owner said, “oh please, the only way you could hurt that dog was if you got stuck in its throat.”

Parent tweets:
Four year old said he went potty and I asked if it was number 1 or 2 – he said 7, i’m terrified to go into the bathroom.
I can’t find my kid’s birth certificate, but apparently I saved one for every Build-a-Bear we own in a special file because I’m insane.
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and her little dog.

Remember Brexit – shorthand for British Exit, here are some names for other countries if they wish to exit the country groups to which they belong:

  • Czechout
  • AufWeiderSpain
  • Boltswana
  • Fleeji
  • Scootland
  • Dubaibye
  • Afghaniscram
  • Farewales

What if the person who named “walkie-talkies” named other things:

Forks would be stabby-grabbies
Wigs would be hairy-wearies
Socks would be feetie-heaties
Defibrillators would be hearty-starties.

How to spell searches

Saw this recently and think it’s amusing.  Google published the most searches for “how to spell” a word by state.

Here are a few of them:

California – beautiful

Maryland – special

Nevada – available

Pennsylvania – sauerkraut

South Dakota – college

Wisconsin – Wisconsin

Arizona – tomorrow

In my opinion, Pennsylvanians win for actually having a word that I could see people needing to look it up, the others – rather embarrassing.  “College”!! seriously South Dakota, come on! and Wisconsin Wisconsin?!

Newly created words

Saw these in Reader’s Digest October issue which were excerpted from “That should be a word” by Lizzie Skurnick:

Bangst – noun; stress over diminishing funds. Example: He read hte ATM printout carefully, filled with bangst.

Fidgital – adjective; excessively checking one’s smartphone.

Flabsolution – noun; pardoning yourself for weight gain.

Palbatross – noun; A friend you’d like to drop.

Tyrunt – noun; child who bosses everyone around.

Wordition – noun; being stuck around people who won’t stop talking.

Laughter is the good for our health

Going through some things and found these funny things in several Reader’s Digests:

  • When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon, because I’m a problem solver.
  • A woman was lying in bed one night when she felt her husband’s hand caressing her neck in a way she hadn’t experienced in quite a while.  The hand then slid down her side, stopping at her knee.  Then he moved closer and did the same on her other side before abruptly stopping and moving away.  Feeling rather aroused and delighted by the unexpected attention,  she whispered, “Honey, that was wonderful.  Why did you stop?”
    He replied, “Because I found the remote.”
  • Why can’t you trust an atom?
    Because they make up literally everything.
  • I saw a guy with a question mark tattoo, which seems like an incredibly permanent commitment to uncertainty.
  • A new patient handed in her medical history form.  On the line marked past traumas, she’d written: Married twice.

A few funnies from the work place:

  • I asked the job candidate if he considered himself a punctual person.  He responded, “well, I’m not a grammar Nazi or anything.”
  • I had a guy show up for his interview drunk and wearing a powder-blue tuxedo jacket. The interview didn’t last long, but before it was over, he was crying about his uncle who had died.  We asked him how long had he been gone: the answer – 6 years!
  • At PetSmart, one of hte questions we ask job candidates is: “if you could be any animal, what would it be?” This candidate replied that he would be a turtle, because he’s always really slow and he’s never in a rush.

A few from lab research notes on their study or process method:

  • We incubated this for however long lunch was.
  • Slices were left in a formaldehyde bath for over 48 hours because I put them in on Friday and refuse to work on weekends.
  • This dye was selected because the bottle was within reach.
  • We didn’t test as many clams as oysters because someone found the samples and ate them.
  • I used that specific sequence of biotinylated DNA because I found some in the freezer.
  • The experiment was carried out from 9:00 a.m. to 5: p.m. because the lab is deserted and creepy after office hours.