Idiocy Exemplified

So the formerly nice city to visit, San Francisco has decided that new language is needed to describe people who commit crimes. The reason is new words will help change people’s views about those who break the laws of our society.

So now in San Francisco they are getting rid of the words: offender, addict and convicted felon. Those words are replaced with “justice-involved person.” I kid you not! The justice system doesn’t get involved with you until you commit a crime.

But wait, there’s even more stupidity: a convicted felon or an criminal released from custody will be known as a “formerly incarcerated person,” or a “justice-involved” person or just a “returning resident.” So will they change job applications to ask: Have you ever been a returning resident? If yes, from where did you return? Was it a place of some level of confinement? an abode in which detention was practiced and mobility was somewhat constrained?

A juvenile “delinquent” will now be called a “young person with justice system involvement,” or a “young person impacted by the juvenile justice system.” Right, the juvenile justice system impacted this young person. The young person broke the law, bringing the impact of the justice system onto himself.

Is it just me or isn’t the easiest and best way to avoid being labeled a criminal is to not commit a crime in the first place?

One of the great things about the American government is we allow cities and states to make some of their own decisions and then the rest of us can watch the experiment – like states legalizing marijuana or cities passing $15 minimum wage laws. To me this seems like a silly waste of time, but lets see if making criminals seem less evil makes a difference.

Entering Possibly Humorous Zone

So I don’t know how or why, probably genetics has a lot to do with it, I take a light-hearted approach to life and look to find the humor in things or just make up the humor. Peter Holthe, the driving force that made FOCM happen, called me irreverent. Having just looked it up, it means: showing a lack of respect for people or things that are generally taken seriously. I don’t intend to show a lack of respect but I like humor more than seriousness. Of course there’s a time and a place for both. But funny observations are always just under the serious stuff for me.

So my twin brother recently must have been surfing the web, maybe Wikipedia and spent time on the origin of the names of a couple of America’s states: Idaho and Texas. Below will be what he wrote and what I replied with.

My brother sent this: The name “Idaho” has no translation at all because it’s entirely made up. In an early form of marketing that would make these modern-day businesses proud, the name was suggested by a local leader in 1860 who claimed the word “Idaho” was a Native American word for “gem of the mountains.” Later that same year, gold was discovered in the Clearwater area, proving his invented name wasn’t far off base.

To which I replied: That’s close to accurate.  It was made up, but it was “Idano” and a typesetting issue on the old printing press mistakenly set the n as an h.  Quite easy to do as they are close to each other. The name “Idano” was because when others heading west asked the people in what is now Idaho, why they stopped there and didn’t go any further, their answer was “idano”.

Then he sent this about Texas: Like the Dakotas, Texas was named with friendship in mind. Texas is a variant of a word (Teysha) used by some Native Americans to refer to friends or allies. It has many different spellings, including “Texias,” “Tejas,” and “Teysas.”

To which I replied: A variant book of name origins reveals this: Like the Carolinas, Texas was named after a particular member of the royal family, albeit, for Texas, it was a lesser known Earl of a small, rural Scottish Isle.  His name was Tex, Earl of the Isle of Mull.  Tex was rather eccentric and thought being Earl meant he was King of his Isle.  When people would see something new or different on the isle, they’d ask “whose is that?” The answer was always “it’s Tex’s”.  Tex did little actual work and spent a lot of time thinking – coincidentally Tex is the reason that to “mull” it over means to think on something.  Tex’s incompetency lead to his eventual over throw and he was sent to the new colonies. He eventually settled in what is now Odessa. He got very active in the public square where his eccentricities and overblown ego eventually resulted in the state being named Texas.

Political Parody

My Mom purchased a subscription to Weekly Standard for me several years ago.  Yes, it leans conservative but the editors are definitely not pro-Trump.

One of the things I enjoy about it is the last page is usually a parody of a real story or headline and they take off with it and have fun.  This one made me chuckle.  They start with the true story of Elizabeth Warren and her DNA test revealing that she does have some Native American ancestory.

Eliz Warren

Funny things I’ve recently seen

From the September 2018 issue of Readers Digest:

I go to a bar and ask “what’s the wi-fi password?”
Bartender replies: You need to buy a drink first.
I reply, “okay, I’ll have a beer”
Bartender: that’ll be $5.
I pay him and say, “ok, so what’s the password?”
Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first, no spaces, all lowercase.”

A poodle and a collie are walking down the street when the poodle suddenly confides to his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says “my owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German Shepherd and I’m as nervous as a hamster.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.
“I can’t,” says the poodle, “I’m not allowed on the couch.”

I hate when I see an old person and then realize I went to high school with them.

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game of Monopoly.
– Steven Wright

 

Quotes taken out of context

As some of you know, when I hear someone say something that, if taken out of context strikes me funny, I make note of it.  I’ve done this for years at corporate meetings and have published many of them at this website.

Being out of larger corporations and their penchant for meetings, meetings and more meetings, I’m not presented with as many opportunities.  Here are a few captured over the past 3 years in a variety of settings:

I drink a lot, all the time.
– Michelle Jacobson, 7/14/2015

My beer is always full of fridge.
– Michelle Jacobson, 7/14/2015

The men are easy.
– Kelly O’Brien, 7/14/2015

She just changed reality!
– Chris Matheus (date unrecorded)

Sooner or later, everything happens.
– Kevin Clover, May 2018

How not to get hired

Reprinting this from a Reader’s Digest:

These are things not to do when interviewing.  These were provided by hiring managers:

  • Candidate specified that his availability was limited because Friday, Saturday and Sunday was “drinking time”.
  • Candidate explained an arrest by stating, “We stole the pig, but it was a really small pig.”
  • Advertising is a tough business.  Which may be why one prospective adman wrote a cover letter boasting, “I am getting to my goal, slowly but surly.”

Quotes of Winston Churchill

I received a gift from a friend of a book entitled “The Wicked Wit of Winston Churchill”  compiled by Dominique Enright and several struck me as particularly noteworthy, really speaking either to my sense of humor or my beliefs, which I share with you below:

“if I valued the honourable gentleman’s opinion, I might get angry”, Churchill responded calmly when an Ulster Member shouted “contemptible” during a … debate in the House.

and a favorite of mine – “The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.”

“Trying to maintain good relations with a Communist is like wooing a crocodile.  You do not know whether to tickle it under the chin or beat it over the head.  When it opens its mouth, you cannot tell whether it is trying to smile or preparing to eat you up.”

“The worst quarrels only arise when both sides are equally in the right and in the wrong.”

“Criticism is easy; achievement is difficult.”

“of this I am quite sure, that if we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find we have lost the future.”

 

Jokes for Sunday

A man woke up in the hospital after a harrowing operation.  Full of dread, he asked the nurse, “did things go okay?”
The nurse replied, “they were able to save your testicles.”
The man let out a huge sigh of relief.  Then the nurse handed him a plastic cup and said, “they’re in here if you’d like to see them.”

Chuck was out walking his 100 pound rottweiler when he decided to stop at the local tavern.  He tied his dog to a parking meter and headed inside.  Minutes later a woman ran into the bar screaming, “whose dog is outside?”
Chuck stood up and said, “mine.”
“You’d better get out there. My chihuahua is killing him!”, said the woman.
“You’re nuts, lady,” laughed Chuck. “how could a little Chihuahua kill my Rottweiler?”
The woman replied, “he’s stuck in his throat!”