Submitted by the most tenured FOCM Member, my womb-mate for 9 months, Jon Matheus
- Parallel lines have so much in common.
- It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
- My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort. - Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor. - How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, they’re efficient and not very funny. - What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter; it’s not going to come. - Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.
You have my Word. - What’s green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A pool table. - I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.
Even the cake was in tiers.
- Want to hear a word I just made up?
Plagiarism - Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work. - What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye Matey. - I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish. - Someone stole my mood ring,
I don’t know how I feel about it. - I tried to catch fog yesterday,
Mist. - Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
with an additional one submitted by Vicky:
- What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take it for a drag