The best two-line jokes

Submitted by the most tenured FOCM Member, my womb-mate for 9 months, Jon Matheus

  1. Parallel lines have so much in common.
  2. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  3. My wife accused me of being immature.
    I told her to get out of my fort.
  4. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
    Then they call me ugly and poor.
  5. How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    One, they’re efficient and not very funny.
  6. What do you call a dog with no legs?
    It doesn’t matter; it’s not going to come.
  7. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.
    You have my Word.
  8. What’s green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
    A pool table.
  9. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.
    Even the cake was in tiers.
  • Want to hear a word I just made up?
  • Why do cows wear bells?
    Because their horns don’t work.
  • What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
    Aye Matey.
  • I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
    If anything, it made him more sluggish.
  • Someone stole my mood ring,
    I don’t know how I feel about it.
  • I tried to catch fog yesterday,
  • Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
    If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

with an additional one submitted by Vicky:

  • What do you do with a dog with no legs?
    Take it for a drag

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