What a way to celebrate marriage!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7OAc9fHgtM

When life gives you melons, you are probably dyslexic.

Someone made up the names of the Asiana Airlines pilots and it was believed by the news reporter.

Sum Ting Wong

Ho Lee Fuk

Wi Tu Lo

Bang Ding Ow

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfhfxNIMJjA

Submitted by Bob Troeller

_ A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he

_ settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful
_ woman boarding the plane.
_
_ He soon realized she was heading straight towards
_ his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat
_ right beside his.
_
_ Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out,
_ “Business trip or pleasure?”
_
_ She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to
_ the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in
_ Boston.”
_
_ He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman
_ he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was
_ going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
_
_ Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly
_ asked, “What’s your business role at this
_ convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use
_ information that I have learned from my personal
_ experiences to debunk some of the popular myths
_ about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind
_ of myths are there?”
_
_ “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that
_ African-American men are the most well-endowed of
_ all men, when in fact it is the Native American
_ Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
_
_ Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best
_ lovers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who
_ are the best.
_
_ I have also discovered that the lover with
_ absolutely the best stamina is the Southern
_ Redneck.”
_
_ Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and
_ blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really
_ be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even
_ know your name.”
_
_ “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my
_ friends call me Bubba.”

A man goes into a psychiatrist and says, “my brother  has gone crazy.  He thinks he is a chicken.”

The psychiatrist says, “have you told him that he is not a chicken?”

The man replies, “I would, but we need the eggs.”

Submitted by Andrew Smith

Rene Descartes is sitting in a cafe.  He orders coffee.

The waiter asks, “Would you like cream?”

Descartes replies, “I think not!” … and Descartes disappears.

 

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of “Being and Nothingness”.  He says to the waitr5ess, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.”

The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream.  How about with no milk?”

 

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are on a road trip, when a cop pulls them over.  The officer walks up and asks if they know how fast they’re going.

Heisenberg replies that they do not, but they do know with high precision where they are.

The cop thinks that is a weird response and begins to search the vehicle.  He opens the trunks and asks, “did you know you have a dead cat in the trunk?”

Schrodinger says, “well, now, we do.”

2 peanuts walk into a bar
1 was a salted

A penguin, a lion and a bear walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “is this some kind of joke?”

 

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “why the long face?”

 

A termite walks into a bar and asks: “is the bar tender here?”