So I have signed up for just about every hotel chain frequent guest program. I usually try to stay with Marriott or Hilton hotels as they sseem to have the selection, hotel types and price ranges that best fits my travel. But that doesn’t always work out. So for this trip to Raleigh-Durham, I am staying at a Wingate by Wyndham. I do not recall them previously giving me a gift back upon checking in, oh but they sure did this trip. When I checked in I was welcomed and thanked for being a member of their frequent stay program and I was handed a sturdy paper bag. When I got to my room and opened it, I was greeted by an 8 oz. bottle of water and (are you ready?) a 1 oz bag of Frito Corn Chips! Now don’t get me wrong, I love me some Fritos Corn Chips, but I’m trying to eat healthily. I save the Fritos Corn Chips for being on the boat, beach or at the lake with some Fritos Bean Dip (you Yumans out there will know what I’m talking about – love, love, love Fritos Corn Chips and Fritos Bean Dip and a cold beer).
The sun has come up, gotta get to work now.

This character, Shallan, played by Nasim Pedrad is funny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZZ6wPdcYG4

Okay, see if you can come up with a good caption for the picture below:
Two that have already been suggested are:

this is what happens when you eat a tree
only 2 more feet to go

seen on FOCM Member Christie Fry’s Facebook page

I saw on the Huffington Post that a couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I’m not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million.

When I was in college, one of the architect students on our floor was quite the cartoonist. He had a series of drawings on the bathroom stalls. When I was in a bar in Wilmington, NC doing a pub crawl, I spotted this and instantly thought of Arturo and his works of art.

contributed by FOCM Member Art Coppola

Yesterday I was at Sam’s Club, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen , the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What, did she think I had an elephant?

So, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

A contribution from FOCM member Stuart Munson

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=697792916909836

So one of the things I used to do at meetings was to listen for interesting phrases which when taken out of context would sound rather funny.  This all started when at a meeting probably 5 years ago, I started noticing a lot of the typical cliché business phrases and began to write them down as I heard them and then would make a tally mark next to how many times it was repeated.

So I have decided to put these in an ongoing series in this, the Humor section of the website.  I will be removing the name of the person who said the phrase, I may put their function/responsibility as long as it doesn’t give away the individual.  I’m sure some of you will recognize some of your own statements and those of others and I cannot stop you from commenting (actually I can) or guessing who said which.

The first one is a much more recent one, overheard at a conference while we exhibitors were packing up our booths.

“Nice box”

Seen in Readers Digest January 2014 are these true newspaper headlines:

County to Pay $250,000 to Advertise Lack of Funds
– Register-Guard (Eugene, Oregon)

4-H Training Scheduled for Shooting Instructors
– Pine City Pioneer (Minnesota)

Study Shows Frequent Sex Enhances Pregnancy Chances
– Winchester Star (Virginia)

Police: DUI Charge for Woman Celebrating End of Earlier DUI Suspension
– Chicago Tribune

Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons
– Tulsa World (Oklahoma)

No way could I ever do this job.

Thanks to FOCM member Jace Leffler for sending this to me.

http://www.jokeroo.com/videos/extreme/scary-job.html