Category: Humor

Have you seen something funny or amusing that you want to share with the group? This is the place to do so.

Quotes out of context

Here is the next in the ongoing series of quotes taken out of context in business meetings:

It doesn’t mean I have to like it.
– Jim Ashby

You’re making the assumption they logged in during the last 7 days.
– Jessica McGeehan

If you want to touch your client.
– Brenda Van Houten

What Andrew said is perfect.
– Mark Matson

That would be ridiculously awesome.
– Paul Colombo

You have to quit and come back to get a new computer.
– Mark Matson

Say something naughty.
– Unidentified

ITG knows the bowel.
– Unidentified

She just needs to get in there and get her hands on it.
– Scott Nodolf

Check back for more postings. If your name is mentioned and you’d like it removed, please email me at chris@focmnetworking.com and I’ll give your request strong consideration and may even possibly act on it. Seriously, though I will remove it if you want me to.

Background: This all started at a US Sales meeting and in order to stay focused on what was being said, I started writing down the business cliches, like “let’s circle the wagons”, “let’s table that”, “always be closing” and then count how many times they were said. As I began paying attention, I would hear a phrase that was appropriate for the context in which it was said, but wow, it sure was amusing to see the phrase just sitting there by itself. That lead me to put them into a slide show show so the phrase was seen in its purest form along with the person who said it. AS this became known, the slide set became the unofficial and humorous wrap-up presentation, kind of a summary of the things stated over the course of the meeting.

Quotes out of context – next installment

Here is the next installment of quotes taken out of context in business meetings I have attended:

Is Jim Ashby going to make it home in time for “Parenthood”?
– Kris Kuhner

Everything is DEFCON 5
– Kris Kuhner

All the beaches left.
– Mark Matson

Snuff is the powdery stuff, right?
– Andrew Smith to John Perrin

Cannonball it!
– Pete Nieto to Michelle Burlingame

The fat American?
– John Perrin

You can’t trust an IPhone. Internets lie.
– Kris Kuhner

The Droid doesn’t lie.
– Kris Kuhner

The Droid will lie to you.
– Mark Matson

I’m going to leave before I get a nickname.
– Unidentified

A gold medal is a gold medal.
– John Perrin

Check back for more postings. If your name is mentioned and you’d like it removed, please email me at chris@focmnetworking.com and I’ll give your request strong consideration and may even possibly act on it. Seriously, though I will remove it if you want me to.

Background: This all started at a US Sales meeting and in order to stay focused on what was being said, I started writing down the business cliches, like “let’s circle the wagons”, “let’s table that”, “always be closing” and then count how many times they were said. As I began paying attention, I would hear a phrase that was appropriate for the context in which it was said, but wow, it sure was amusing to see the phrase just sitting there by itself. That lead me to put them into a slide show show so the phrase was seen in its purest form along with the person who said it. AS this became known, the slide set became the unofficial and humorous wrap-up presentation, kind of a summary of the things stated over the course of the meeting.

Quotes out of context – continued

Here is the next installment of quotes taken out of context in business meetings I have attended:

I am about to unbutton my pants.
 – unidentified

I love show tunes.
 –  Kris Kuhner

Were they out of kegs?
– Pete Nieto to Lauren Skinner

Is that a baby bottle?
– Scott Nodolf to Stuart Roeves

Stewwey!
– Mark Matson

Stewwey, are you ready for another baba?
– Jim Ashby

I was waiting for him to play the race card.
– Pete Nieto

I actually have to use a calculator for this.
– Paul Colombo

Can I get your corker thing now or later?
– Debbie McCoy to Pete Nieto

He’s cooking your tuna in his pants.
– Kris Kuhner to Andrew Smith

Check back for more postings. If your name is mentioned and you’d like it removed, please email me at chris@focmnetworking.com and I’ll give your request strong consideration and may even possibly act on it. Seriously, though I will remove it if you want me to.

Background: This all started at a US Sales meeting and in order to stay focused on what was being said, I started writing down the business cliches, like “let’s circle the wagons”, “let’s table that”, “always be closing” and then count how many times they were said. As I began paying attention, I would hear a phrase that was appropriate for the context in which it was said, but wow, it sure was amusing to see the phrase just sitting there by itself. That lead me to put them into a slide show show so the phrase was seen in its purest form along with the person who said it. AS this became known, the slide set became the unofficial and humorous wrap-up presentation, kind of a summary of the things stated over the course of the meeting.

Quotes out of context continued

The next set of quotes out of context from business meetings is shown below:

I have been on this horse for a couple weeks.
  – Adrian Pencak

We want to get them pregnant.
 – Adrian Pencak

Scott is a slave driver.
  – Michele Mitchell

Paul, can I grab you outside for a second.
  – Jim Ashby

If Kuhner was here, I’d light him up.
 – Paul Colombo

Let’s leave it the way it is.
  – Paul Colombo

Control freak.
– Pete Nieto

Run a salesforce report and compare.
– Paul Colombo

Don’t run it tomorrow.
– Pete Nieto

Just having an aneurysm.
  – Stuart Roeves

Check back for more postings. If your name is mentioned and you’d like it removed, please email me at chris@focmnetworking.com and I’ll give your request strong consideration and may even possibly act on it. Seriously, though I will remove it if you want me to.

Background: This all started at a US Sales meeting and in order to stay focused on what was being said, I started writing down the business cliches, like “let’s circle the wagons”, “let’s table that”, “always be closing” and then count how many times they were said. As I began paying attention, I would hear a phrase that was appropriate for the context in which it was said, but wow, it sure was amusing to see the phrase just sitting there by itself. That lead me to put them into a slide show show so the phrase was seen in its purest form along with the person who said it. AS this became known, the slide set became the unofficial and humorous wrap-up presentation, kind of a summary of the things stated over the course of the meeting.

Quotes taken out of context continued

The next installment of quotes taken out of context during business meetings.  This one meeting was particularly rich in good material, so I will break it into 5 installments.

You just can’t stop Scott Nodolf.
– unidentified

Maybe strategic partnerships aren’t the way to go.
  – unidentified

Before I was married, I was happily single for 33 years.
Good video.
She looked like a deer in the headlights.
  – Pete Nieto

Holy toledo, that was good.
  – Deb Williams

I’d better not see any pants coming off.
   – Andrew Smith

Good thing we didn’t do this at happy hour.
  – Adrian Pencak

I’m picturing Stuart writhing.
For a while, it’s going to be a bit of a mess.
I’ve eaten into your lunch time.
I’m not saying I will take someone from a construction site and make them a PM.
 – Ali O’Neil

Navy Technical School Test

submitted by FOCM member last name of Neurath, not sure which one of them submitted it:

One of the questions from the career placement test given applicants for a Navy technical school as reported by one of the applicants:

“Rearrange the letters ‘P N E S I’ to spell out an important part of human body that is more useful when erect!”

Those who spelled ‘spine’ got the school of their choice … the rest of us went to submarine school.